For the span of my life, my point of view of the individual’s self-focus began with the 50’s in which the men came home from war, mom stayed home and took care of the family, and the American industry expanded to meet peacetime needs. Americans began buying goods not available during the war, which created corporate expansion and jobs.  Growth was everywhere and yet literature began to reflect the conflict of self-satisfaction with 50's Happy Days and cultural self-doubt about conformity and the true worth of American values.  As for self view, we were just coming into awareness of individual self-expression.

Then the 60’s burst on the scene. The sixties were the age of youth, the decade that brought us flower power, hippies, the civil rights expansion, Viet Nam, and “Make Love, Not War.” The movement away from the conservative fifties continued and eventually resulted in revolutionary ways of thinking and real change in the cultural fabric of American life.  Young people were no longer content to be images of the generation ahead of them and wanted change. The youth were idealistic innocents, despite the drugs and sex and John Lennon said "The thing the sixties did was to show us the possibilities and the responsibility that we all had. It wasn't the answer. It just gave us a glimpse of the possibility." The focus was on full expression of our selves and how we could contribute to mankind.

The 70’s were dubbed the “Me Generation.” The Civil Rights and the Women’s Movement made good progress. John Updike portrayed characters trying to find meaning in a society spiritually empty and in a state of moral decay.  Joyce Carol Oates wrote of the search for spiritual meaning in the contemporary world, and Kurt Vonnegut explored the loneliness of contemporary society and the power hungry materialism that pervaded it.  The floppy disc appeared in 1970, and the next year Intel introduced the microprocessor, the precursors of the technology boom of the coming years.  As for the individual, she began to explore how self mental and physical health – the “I’m Okay, You’re Okay” philosophy – made her stronger and more able not only to cope with life, but aided her in serving mankind.

Then, we went from we are all in this together to “What’s in it for me?” Talk about self-perception: The 1980s became the Me! Me! Me! generation of status seekers, personified by villain Gordon Gekko in the movie “Wall Street.”  During the 1980s, hostile takeovers, leveraged buyouts, and mega-mergers spawned a new breed of billionaire.  Donald Trump and Leona Helmsley were just two of those that served as icons demonstrating the rise and fall of the rich and famous.  If you've got it, flaunt it and You can have it all! were the popular expressions.   Greed seemed to be the way of life.  

Next, the 90’s - the decade of the electronic age and flourishing self-help books, such as “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” and “Chicken Soup for the Soul.”  The individual felt drained from the 80’s driving push for money and self-gratification.  They still wanted to get ahead, but wanted some personal satisfaction in life as well. The stock market reached an all time high and individuals learned to buy and trade via the internet.  Americans were affluent and obesity was at a record high.  Young people shocked their parents by choosing tattoos and body piercing as self-expression and sat mesmerized for hours with video games. We began to see successful women, Oprah Winfrey and Martha Stewart, in our living rooms on TV.  The World Wide Web was born in 1992, changing the way we communicate (email), spend our money (online gambling & shopping), and do business (e-commerce).  And - everyone had a cell phone.

Now, our current decade…which has yet no universally accepted name, has YouTube, Facebook, My Space, Linked-In and an avalanche of social networking, the War on Terrorism, unpopular wars, our first African-American President, the Recession with the capital “R” – and, of course, the book “The Secret” which brought new questions and answers to the individual dealing with her way to finding true happiness in life.

Which leads us to why my fascination this month with this topic.  I read an article in “Newsweek” entitled, “Generation Me” in which the author fervently agrees with Jean Twenge and W. Keith Campbell, authors of the book, “The Narcissism Epidemic.”  The author of the article, Raina Kelley, says, “We’ve built up the confidence of our kids, but in that process, we’ve created a generation of hot house flowers puffed with a disproportionate sense of self-worth (the definition of narcissism) and without the resiliency skills they need when Mommy and Daddy can’t fix something.”

Kelley sights statistics, “that nearly 10 percent of 20-somethings have already experienced symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder, compared with just over 3 percent of the 65-and-over set,” “that nearly 30 percent of college students agree with the statement: ‘If I show up to every class, I deserve at least at B’” and. “a quote from a 21-year-old senior, a self-professed narcissist: ‘I don’t think it’s a problem, having most people love themselves.  I love me.’”

Kelley further states, “We live in a world where everyone can be a star – If only on YouTube” and “Treating the whole world as if it works for you doesn’t suggest you’re special, it means you’re an ass.”

It’s not only this article that keeps me engaged with this subject.  It is also my observation of a world in which I spend at great deal of time – business networking - that frequently purports “Give First” and “Help Others First.”  Kelley ends her article suggesting one solution, among others, to narcissism, which is to adopt values such as “putting others first.”  So here is where I draw the line.  I’m with the airlines and putting my oxygen mask on first.

I have seen it with women for decades – putting others first and creating a desperate emptiness, numbness, and quiet pain from the disappearance of the self. Giving all leaves nothing more to give. “Back to the 50’s”?  I say, “No!”   I scream to society: “No - do not do this!”

Why do we have to resort to extremes?  I just love the middle; it has such a broad range of possibilities.  Putting others first is not the answer.  Taking care of your physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, financial, and social well-being must be first.  That, of course, does not dictate that you must solely take care of yourself.  When we are strong and healthy then we are best able to do for others, concern ourselves with people and causes greater than ourselves.

If we start a trend of doing first for others, I fear, as we have often done, we might get carried away on the proverbial band wagon, to “do the right thing,” to “be like others” and forget to have time for ourselves.  There are plenty of examples of that happening, especially with women.  When our self-esteem is low, when we don’t strongly understand our purpose, when we feel weak and powerless, we are mostly unable to do for others and make any effective changes for the betterment of others. We can have a giving, thoughtful, helpful, loving society with individuals who recognize the value of self-care first and then contribute fully and enthusiastically to others.

So, we are only months away from the start of our next decade…what choice do we make about how we see ourselves and how that reflects our behavior? Take it from a great master of human behavior, William Shakespeare, who wrote in “Henry V”,   “Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin as self-neglecting.”