Before having typed one word, I realize that I remind myself of the crotchety and ornery Andy Rooney from the Sixty Minutes TV show.  He rambles on each week about something that annoys him no matter how minor the subject.  What’s bugging me certainly lacks the relevance of the historic political scene of both an African-American and a woman as first-time candidates for President of the United States, or the topic of the recent headline in the Tribune that scientists are “one step away from 1st man-made organism”, whether or not the surge is working in Iraq, or the supposed coming of an economic recession.

However, it bugs me!  Is there anyone still participating in the business networking world that hasn’t known or heard ad nauseam that the collective “we” are out there -  in the relationship-building, card-swapping, how-can-we-work-together and alliance-forming ritual -  to “help others!?”

I was at a popular women’s networking event about a week ago and a young, enthusiastic, serious female networker was performing what I consider, at this point, to be a mantra. She was expounding some babble about how she loves helping people and that she believes in building relationships and how she doesn’t just collect cards, etc. etc.  Okay I get it; we are no longer the roll-your-sleeves-up, snake-oil, despicable sales-y person approaching people to see what we can get/take from someone else.

This popular networking rant reminds me of some sing-song, pre-conceived spittle a fraternity brother must memorize prior to knocking on a door in order to identify himself as one of the chosen, as an appropriate invitee to some sort of illicit gathering into a sin-filled room.  When I was in high school, competitive clubs were a popular custom.  Although I detested the concept of non-inclusive clubs, I succumbed to the need to fit in and joined one.  Often, an initiate would have to sing a song, recite a reading, or perform in some way in front of the members in order to be considered as a possible new entry to this social club.

That is what I am reminded of whenever I hear business networkers running on about how their purpose in being at this gathering is to help others.  God forbid anyone went to networking events because they wanted to meet a person or persons who might be interested in their product or service.  Heaven forbid!  So, this high-school mentality tradition of “trying out” for a club has been replaced, perhaps one small step above that level, by a networker having to identify herself as a member of the Accepted Ones – those that attend these functions in order to help others.  Otherwise, people might mistake her as a “Taker.”

That would be dreadful – a Taker: One who wants only to take from others; only to get business from someone else.  How often of late have I heard the members of the self-ordained Correct Networkers Club complain about the “others” not “getting it?”  That appears to be the code of the Proper Networking Procedure MBA graduates.

To me, there is a middle ground between these two opposing attitudes and behaviors.  The end purpose of networking is to build one’s business, to meet people who will become clients or customers.  I honestly do not see anything wrong with this.  However, as in all social practices one must be aware that in some way there is always give and take.  A dentist fills a cavity…the patient pays.  An actor performs…the audience claps.  An attendee at a party tells a mother-in-law joke, the listeners laugh.

Being cognizant of the common courtesy of sharing in a social situation is taught to kindergarteners.  Those of you, who know me, know I love to help others.  I love to make business introductions.  I love to connect others.  In fact, almost everyone I know loves to help others.  From President Clinton as expressed in his book “Giving” to Oprah, who says with regularity and displays so very often that she gets great pleasure from giving, to our immense volunteering at any number of organizations and associations – we love to help.

So to that, I say, I know we are helping, but why do we feel compelled to say it over and over again at networking functions?  I think it is time for us to move on.  Let us accept that we have learned that we are past the old model of cold calling and selling just on features and benefits.  We also must realize – and most everyone I know knows this – that relationship building can happen almost instantly and that it can also take years.  It is important that we genuinely listen to what our new and continuing networking partners are saying.

Have you ever experienced this strange ritual between one networker and another when one starts asking the other what work she does?  It’s okay to respond to the question,” “What do you do?” without feeling impolite and that you must respond with, “No, please tell me what you do.”  I have seen people spar back and forth a couple of times trying to avoid saying first what they do in an effort to be the most giving.  I have seen this often and it is funny.  Most of us are all relatively polite.  We do not need a doctorate in networking protocol.  If someone seems uneducated in the rules of business networking, can we please follow through on our desire to help people rather than to condescendingly tell others that they “don’t get it!?”  

We have all heard a thousand times – what goes around comes around.  If we help others, others will help us.  I know we want to help…enough already!